We will not cancel us
The title of this month’s newsletter comes from adrienne maree brown’s book We Will Not Cancel Us – a work that has stayed with me as both a challenge and an invitation. adrienne asks us to remain in our messy, complicated humanity, to hold one another close even when rupture beckons, and to resist the impulse to discard people when they falter. It’s a call to stay in relationship - to keep choosing care and accountability, even when it feels hard.
That spirit feels vital right now.
When I had the privilege of hearing John Powell from the Othering & Belonging Institute speak at a conference three years ago, I knew his words were going to have a lasting influence. His passion for helping us move from othering to belonging in our workplaces and communities was as relevant then as it is now, and his ideas about the importance of learning to bridge across divides were transformative for me.
You know those moments where you feel something deeply within you and it connects on a kind of soulful level? I remember thinking: this is what I do, this is who I am, this is how I approach difference, division and change. How can we bring everyone with us? How can we make this work for all of us? And how can we do it in ways that maintain our values and integrity?
John describes othering as the biggest issue of 21st-century life. And in times when polarisation is one of the most challenging realities most leaders face, it’s something we really have to get to grips with. Othering is the way we focus on the distance between ourselves and another - the creation of an “us” and a “them.”
This isn’t new in the workplace. We all know what it can mean when dynamics of "team versus leaders" start to take hold. But when these patterns become tied to our sense of self - our values, beliefs, or worse, our skin colour, religion or place of birth - it becomes a far more challenging dynamic playing out amongst colleagues and peers. Even with avoidance of "politics (which in itself others those whose lives are deeply affected by them), or staying in the "professional" sphere, we feel the impact on levels of trust and psychological safety.
One client recently shared that a team member is planning to stand as a Reform candidate. Where in the HR rulebook is the guidance for that, when you’re trying to build a culture of belonging? We’re all having to adapt to a new world where unity can’t be assumed, and where our old ideas of how to create belonging need an urgent update.
Just this week, The Guardian reported that UK charity staff are facing growing threats, harassment and even physical attacks, fuelled by toxic political rhetoric around immigration and race. Many have had to install panic alarms, hire security, or remove signage to protect staff and premises. It’s a stark reminder that the forces of division are not abstract - they are shaping the day-to-day reality for people working to build a better world.
I return time and time again to the truest definition of belonging I’ve found: expanding the circle of concern so that everyone can see themselves as having agency and value within it. We don’t have to agree - but we do have to respect and value one another.
I can’t think of a more important skill for leaders to cultivate right now than the ability to listen, challenge assumptions, build empathy, and work with healthy conflict. In these times, finding what unites us is the work. Yet I’m seeing so few leaders bring a values-led story of unity - one that doesn’t rely on silence, avoidance, or the pretence that the world outside isn’t changing faster than we can process.
We all other others - it’s what makes our in-group feel more secure. But true belonging is found in our capacity to bridge across difference, to come together around shared aims and collective purpose. Bridging isn’t easy. But in this moment, it’s one of the most essential skills we can nurture.
Like adrienne maree brown, I believe the challenge - and hope - of our times is this: to keep showing up for each other, even when it would be easier to walk away.
What we’re practising
Staying in relationship, even when it’s hard
This year we’ve been practising staying in relationship even when it’s hard. This is at the heart of bridging - the journey from othering, towards belonging. It’s easy to walk away, judge, and put people into boxes where we decide who they are, what they stand for and what they are capable of. We can tell you this isn’t the easy path, but it is the one that feels important to us - as an organisation that cares about integrity and about learning together about how we lead, make decisions and behave in ways that move us towards the workplaces and communities we want to build.
This has meant sitting with a lot of discomfort and staying open to learning and discussing.
It meant being open to feedback about questions about how we integrate antisemitism into work on anti-racism and having a board-level discussion about zionism, power, safety and learning what allyship looks like in 2025.
It’s meant reaching out to an MD of a well-known research agency about an article about charity engagement with Reform UK that felt like it was missing important perspectives, so we could open a conversation about what they were hoping to do with it, and sharing our reflections on where we felt it was falling short, bridging around our shared desire to support more conversation about it.
That same spirit underpins a new Othering and Belonging workshop we’re piloting. We’ve been working with a food movement organisation to explore how othering plays out across their ecosystem - where different groups are often seen in opposition, for example, traditional farmers vs. vegan activists. The work invites leaders to ask: What does it mean when we believe our mission relies on having an “other”? How do we build belonging that doesn’t depend on exclusion or opposition?
If your organisation is ready to explore what othering and belonging mean in your context, get in touch. We’d love to run this workshop with you.
what we’re noticing
Owning the standards maintains existing power dynamics
We're nearly halfway through our current Beyond White Supremacy cohort, and we just had a session on owning the standards - which assumes there is one correct set of rules, norms, or processes, set and policed by those in power.
Below, our Community Weaver Eloise, who is participating in this cohort, reflects on what this means for her, and how she navigates the invisible rules that tell us what a “good” leader, activist, or colleague looks like, that often results in us othering those who don't fit these predetermined standards:
It shows up in the shoulds that creep in everyday:
I should be earning more.
I should be handling my anxiety better.
I shouldn't be tired all the time.
They arrive with sharp edges - voices that are loud, critical, and relentless. They tell me that competence = productivity and efficiency, that rest is indulgent, and that emotional honesty makes me less professional.
I’ve also noticed how easily these shoulds extend outward - they should speak up, they should do better. It’s a pattern of othering that can feel righteous but often disconnects us from compassion, both for ourselves and others.
In our session, we explored how these standards aren’t just personal habits; they’re cultural. They reflect the traits of white supremacy culture - perfectionism, urgency, productivity as proof of worth. When we internalise them, we start policing ourselves and one another, shutting down our ability to connect.
This tendency is beautifully articulated in this short video clip on the issue with perfectionism in leftist movements, where the desire to be right acts as a form of control and gatekeeping.
At the end of the session, we each took one of our shoulds and flipped them on their heads - bringing compassion, curiosity, and understanding where criticism once lived.
Here is my reframed should around anxiety:
My overwhelm is information, not failure. Anxiety tells me I’m at the edge of my capacity in a system that asks too much. Listening to it is an act of care, not weakness.
If you're interested in finding out more about our Beyond White Supremacy programme, we are holding an intro session for our next cohort in early December. You can sign up to this free session using the link below.
What's resourcing us
Small is all
Lately, what’s keeping us resourced is remembering that small is all – adrienne maree brown’s reminder that change happens through small, intentional acts of care, connection, and courage.
For Eloise, that’s looked like showing up in community and solidarity - joining the Palestine march over the weekend, along with 600,000 others. A reminder that belonging is something we build by standing alongside others, one step, one conversation, one act at a time. from a place of love and accountability, even when it’s hard. He leaves us with a powerful invitation:
Connecting with others
It’s also been about finding ways to connect more deeply in our everyday work, especially in a world where so much collaboration happens remotely.
One of the tools Letesia is using is The Onion Talks card deck – a conversation-starter game designed to spark more meaningful connections. She has been integrating these cards into virtual spaces and team settings, helping teams learn about one another, challenge assumptions, and rediscover what it means to listen across difference.
